Things I Hate: Followers

Song of the Day: Mac Mac - The Bloody Beetroots

Welcome to the first of a number of hate-filled, grumpy, grouchy, angry, and generally unpleasant rants I have titled "Things I Hate." Today's topic: followers.

Now, to some degree, everyone's a follower. That's cool. Hell, I'm a follower in many aspects. The problem is though, when you start following for the sake of your outward appearances to others, as opposed to for your own personal grins and giggles.

AH HA, YOU THOUGHT THERE WOULD BE AN IMAGE HERE DEPICTING GRINS AND GIGGLES, BUT THERE WASN'T. SO MUCH FOR PREDICTABILITY SUCKERS~

Moving on...

There's a lot of examples of this in college; hell, I think some of them are pretty cool myself. Thing is though, cool as I might think they are, they're NOT FOR ME. That concept of something not being "for you," so to speak, is pretty foreign to a lot of college kids these days. Because I'm a bit lazy tonight, have finals to study for, and have to get back to the 92507 from home ASAP, here's a short list of things that run-of-the-mill followers embrace that may not necessarily be "for them," and why they MIGHT NOT BE FOR YOU:

-Fixed Gear Bikes: Are you a bike messenger? No? Does your institution of learning have lots and lots of hills? Yes? Do you really need to drop over $500 on your goddamn bicycle? No? Fixed gear bikes MIGHT NOT BE FOR YOU.

-Nut Hugging Jeans: Do you have a penis? Yes? Nut huggers MIGHT NOT BE FOR YOU.

-Unnecessarily Long Hair: Are you a man? Yes? Do you want to get a job that pays above the poverty line? Yes? Is this the 1960's/70's? No? Disgusting hippie hair/scenester hair MIGHT NOT BE FOR YOU.

-Graffiti/Tagging in General: Did you grow up in an inner city neighborhood? No? Are you a member of a legitimate street gang from such a neighborhood? No? Are you an art major? No? Were you raised in suburbia? Yes? Tagging MIGHT NOT BE FOR YOU.

-Acoustic Guitars: Are you a musician by trade? No? Did you do this just to get girls? Yes? Did you do this to fit in with your ugly hipster friends? Yes? Were you inspired by any of the thousands of half-assed acts on YouTube? Yes? Acoustic guitars MIGHT NOT BE FOR YOU.

-Ugly Neon Sunglasses/Shutter Shades: Do you have self respect? Yes? Do you value people taking you seriously? Yes? Stupid sunglasses MIGHT NOT BE FOR YOU.

-Mirror pics: Are you an obnoxious self-absorbed immature puerile douchebag? Yes? Congrats, mirror pics ARE FOR YOU!

-Being European: Are you European? No? Being European SURE AS HELL ISN'T FOR YOU, YOU PRICK. GET OVER YOURSELF.

-Smoking (cigs, weed, hookah, whatever): Do you value your lungs? Yes? Smoking MIGHT NOT BE FOR YOU.

-Dressing like a member of NWA: Are you from a gang-ridden neighborhood? No? Dressing like a thug MIGHT NOT BE FOR YOU.

Whew, okay that's about it, sorry about the short post length/lack of pics everyone. I'll try to put up pics later (no promises), so enjoy my miserly ranting folks, and have a happy holiday season!

Best,
E.Y.H.

Omegle Trolling

In lieu of a real post filled with thought provoking banter, I'll take this break from midterms to show you some of my recent Omegle trolling. In case you didn't know, Omegle is an anonymous chat service with strangers, which allows for quite a lot of anonymous trolling in the interests of grins and giggles.

Grins and giggles.

Without further ado, I present to you my latest Omegle trolls (warning: not even slightly politically correct):

TROLL ATTEMPT #1:

Connecting to server...

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: hello there!

Stranger: Hello.

You: hows life?

Stranger: Grand. And yours?

You: awesome

You: probably grander than yours.

You: but i'm not entirely sure.

Stranger: I wouldn't bet on it.

You: why's that?

You: i put a kitten in a box today, and threw it in a river.

You: the box was plastic

You: and had no air holes.

You: that's pretty grand, i think.

Stranger: More nifty than grand.

You: so what qualifies as grand?

You: would it need to be a full-grown cat next time?

Stranger: I'm not entirely sure. I make it up as I go. No, that's in the 'splendid' area.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Commentary: I really don't know what to make of this dude's last response. At least he knows that cat murder is indeed splendid.

Troll Attempt #2:

Stranger: 15 female aus

You: You must help me.

You: Good.

Stranger: why whats wrong

You: You are from Australia.

You: I am from New Caledonia.

You: Have you a plane?

You: The soldiers are coming.

Stranger: Yes i have my own jet plane, im famous in australia, why?

You: And we must flee.

You: We must flee now.

You: There is no time.

You: You must call my number immediately.

You: 09-8209-0342

You: It will connect you to the village phone.

You: Let it ring twice, then please call it again.

You: On the second try a man will pick up.

Stranger: it wont connect

You: His name is Jacques.

You: You must try harder.

Stranger: i dont know the numbers for americas code

You: If you do not my village will perish.

You: I am not from America.

You: I am from New Caledonia.

Stranger: well wherever you live

You: We are an island.

You: I do not know so much English.

You: Only what the priest has taught me.

You: You must hurry.

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Commentary: Didn't go as I planned, but that's ok.

Troll Attempt #3:

You: Hello I am Zhong He.

You: Are you man or woman?

Stranger: hi

Stranger: man

You: I am man as well.

You: It is good.

Stranger: cool

You: There are many woman on this site.

You: They all do not talk to Zhong He.

Stranger: im not sure

You: I am from China.

You: Where are you from.

Stranger: thats cool

Stranger: the usa

You: Do the women talk to you.

Stranger: no not really

You: I do not think they like China people.

You: It is a problem.

You: I share your pain.

Stranger: yea well thanks

You: I wish you well friend.

You: This is last talk for me.

Stranger: you too

You: Before police come.

Stranger: alright

Stranger: oh boy well

Stranger: have fun in prison

You: For accessing internet site that government does not allow

You: I have been told I will go to jail.

You: But I have locked my door.

Stranger: well good

You: They are hitting it right now.

You: Do you think I will live.

Stranger: ill talk you throught this

Stranger: yes

Stranger: you will live

You: In China sometimes you do not live when the goverment hits you door.

You: Sometimes you will never see family again.

Stranger: wow im sorry man

You: They have entered.

Stranger: say goodbye quick

You have disconnected.

Commentary: Somewhere, someone believes he has just heard the last words of a political dissident in China.

Troll Attempt #4:

You: 21/m/alabama

Stranger: i cannot believe my eyes, how worlds filled with filth and lies, and its plain to see, evil inside of me, is on the riseeeee

You: how bout yall.

You: ah.

You: yall one of them deviant faggots aint you.

Stranger: a deviant

Stranger: big word from a hick from the south

You: yall think we marry our cousins or something?

Stranger: got the grammar just right too

Stranger: u definitely talk like a dumbass

Stranger: impressive

Stranger: ur meeting every strereotype so far

You: I would appreciate it, sir, if you did not look down upon the stereotypes attributed to the common working classes.

You: The work of the proletariat holds that which you hold dear

You: upright.

Stranger: common working classes eh?

You: We, the working man, maintain the standards of life that your bourgeoise selves hold to be a God-given right.

Stranger: dem sounds like commie words to me

Stranger: u aint a red is ya?

You: Sir, I would appreciate it if you did not confuse the words of a socialist with those of a communist.

Stranger: haha hot damn, a socialist in the south, now ive heard everything

You: We hold short shrift with the cruel and inhumane tactics that the Communists find acceptable.

You: Perhaps you do not travel enough sir.

You: One's geographical location need not determine his ideals.

You: Have you considered, kind sir, that it is perhaps YOU that are the bigot?

Stranger: quite happily

You: Looking down upon those from disadvantaged areas from your ivory throne?

Stranger: more or less

Stranger: view gets kinda bad from the top

You: Sir I bid you adieu, your very presence upon the network of information that is the internet offends me to no end.

You have disconnected.

Commentary: He probably didn't see that shift in linguistic ability coming, nor did he see the shift in ideological perspective. Entertaining, that.

Okay with that, I really should get back to studying. Go do some trolling of your own, folks; I bid you all good night!

Best,
E.Y.H.

Stream of Consciousness

SONG OF THE DAY: Say Woah- A-Trak

Good evening folks,

Due to the fact that I have nothing to rant on- besides hipsters, but that rant is for another day- I'm going to experiment with the formatting today, and try a stream of consciousness blog. Everything I think about for the next few minutes while procrastinating on my sociology (still a bunk class) paper will be recorded. Naturally, images will be added after the process has completed, so as to give you grins and giggles.

Grins and giggles.

Ready...

GO.

This Starbucks Doubleshot isn't really a very powerful energy drink. I mean, sure, I can feel the caffeine hitting me a bit, because everything's in that weird super-contrasted level of existence that only happens when you have a proper amount of stimulants in your blood stream. Sadly though, it's fading; time for another swig of this lovely legal drug. It's like meth, except legal, and not deadly.

I Googled "meth addict," and this was the least offensive image I got. Enjoy!

Ugh that sounded gross; when I took a sip it made this weird FRRRRRT sound. I hope no one thinks I farted, the basement at Rivera Library is damn quiet. Looking around, looking around, nope, no one's looking.

It didn't sound like that.

There's an awful weird old dude kinda floating around wearing a baseball hat though, he's creeping me out a bit. I vaguely suspect he's library staff because he's looking at everyone, but... maybe he is, maybe he isn't. I may never know. Speaking of things I might never know about, I kept thinking someone was taking pictures in here, but it's really a lightbulb that's out near the Microform section. That lightbulb should NOT be flickery man, not when we pay tens of thousands of dollars in tuition so Mark Yudof can bathe in our money!

Shut the fuck up, Yudof.

Ahhhhh, Doubleshot really IS the panacea of the gods. It isn't helping my neckache though... I just cracked it like mad. Speaking of which, the eternally stiff neck I've had since my one year of drumline makes it impossible for the health clinic to tell whether or not I may have had/meningitis while I had swine flu; my neck's ALWAYS stiff, so there's no way to tell. Yes, I had swine flu. No, it wasn't as bad as everyone said it was. Anyone that complains about it, says that shit is any more dangerous than regular flu, or otherwise blows it out of proportion can kiss my ass, to be frank. It wasn't that bad.

Pic very much related.

Shoot it's almost 6 PM, and that's when I told myself I was going to start writing for SURE. I've been sitting here for close on 40 minutes now, doing absolutely nothing but checking Facebook, drinking Doubleshot, eating Gobstoppers (which are the best candy ever, just F.Y.I.), and in general being totally unproductive. Shame I can't get JSTOR in my apartment... that's the peril of living off-campus, I suppose.

He didn't use JSTOR. Then again, he's also a fictional character.

Anyway, tonight's shaping up to be a boring Thursday; no partying, no drinking, just a club meeting, then some studying at Starbucks, then perhaps some MW2 at someone else's house, and then perhaps some HON. My life is boring... but hey, work tomorrow ought to cheer things up, right? With that, the belltower has just started chiming six, so the post is now over. Be easy, world.

The UCR Belltower: if only it looked this good in real life.

Best,
Elliott

UCR Sociology is Bunk

Good early morning to you, everyone!

I've decided to stop numbering my posts. Just because. Live with it.

Moving on, more and more people are telling me they read this. With that said, you'd expect me to update regularly, and on a fixed schedule, right?

WRONG. HA HA HA, EAT IT LOSERS.

HA HA HA- shit, I can't eat anything with only three teeth...

Anyway, fixed updating schedules are for tools with nothing better to do with their lives. I may have nothing better to do with my life than entertain you with my blog, but I'm no damn tool! And so, today's post....

....is about my late night life. Yes, the very first me-centric post of my blogging career. Get over it. Moving on, my late night life tonight consists of a sociology paper...

...which is now the topic of the post. Sociology. Yes. I have decided this, and you have NO RIGHT TO ARGUE. While I prep my post, enjoy this pleasing image of my opinion of your disapproval:

'nuff said.

Moving on... sociology is bunk. It is a discipline created by the have not's, in order to guilt the have's into feeling bad about their lives, and thus turn the have not's through the power of pity into haves. Granted, as a discipline, sociology is valid; perhaps I should've been more clear, UC RIVERSIDE SOCIOLOGY IS BUNK.

According to my TA, "over 90% of the department" consists of "avowed Marxists."

This clown.

Now, I'm all for political differences in America. Problem is, Marxism undermines the very foundations of American thought. These people, who support an ideology that undermines American thought, are teaching your children about social classes. Marxism promotes social class upheaval, in a distinctly un-American fashion; the rise of the proletariat, and "from each according to his ability, to each according to his need."

That's Communism, by the way.

The Obama Administration. HA HA HA I MADE A POLITICAL JOKE!

The entire mentality espoused by these people is ridiculous, and my paper equally so. As a taste of what we UC students suffer through, here's part of my prompt:

"...find a scholarly article on your own dealing with stratification in the criminal justice system and write a brief report on this article relating it to issues discussed in your Henslin text. You are required to find something that has to do with the Prison Industrial Complex (PIC), but are not limited to just this topic."

As defined by Wikipedia (that goddess of e-knowledge) in a sociological context, stratification is " the dividing of a society into levels based on power or socioeconomic status." It defines the PIC as a "term [which] often [implies] a network of actors who are motivated by making profit rather than solely by punishing or rehabilitating criminals or reducing crime rates."

So essentially, it has been said to us in so many words in a simple essay topic that prison is a creation of capitalist greed and the stratification of the lower classes to criminal status by the evil big business elite.

What UCR Sociology visualizes as the big business elite; a concept completely based in reality, and not on a movie's depiction of businessmen. Right?

Here then, is where UCR Sociology needs to get off it's damn pedestal. Yeah, private industry is in it to make money. Thing is, where else would you rather put these cuddly inmates- yknow, rapists, murderers, bank robbers, that lot- into "rehabilitation homes," where Grandma Ethel will teach them how to knit their way back into society?

That'll teach YOU not to rape, murder, and steal!

Seriously folks, come the hell on. Do we honestly need to let gang bangers, murderers, and rapists have a nice cuddly helping hand? Or, do they need to suffer for their crimes? I tend to side more with "suffer" and less with "cuddly;" these people are the scum of the Earth, and deserve to be treated as such. I don't care if Mr. X grew up in a shack by the river wearing a terry cloth for his only clothing, if he raped and then murdered ten people with an axe, he doesn't deserve rehabilitation: he deserves incarceration. His sociological perspective did NOT land him in that situation; his disgusting lack of a conscience did. Even if it by some chance DID, in the funny little world UC intellectuals live in, it wouldn't matter either way; society cannot and should not let this sort of crime go unpunished. Warm feel-good policies have nothing to do with this; prison is about punishment, and that's that.

Whew, time to get back to writing this disgustingly leftist paper. Stay frosty, kids... I'm going to go have one more coffee before I dive back in. Wish me luck!

Best,
E.Y.H.

College Majors: Theater

You know, tonight I think I'll talk about college majors.

So, you're in college. You're excited to be here, but somehow, you're a third year and are still undeclared! What to do? Well, here's the first in a hopefully long series of posts on college majors.

Theater: What the f*ck are you going to do with this? Even ART MAJORS can get jobs, unlike you guys. Unless you go to a dedicated theater school or a school with mad connections in entertainment (cough USC. cough NYU. cough.) or have a very well connected set of parents, you'd best have a second major, or several minors. In 99% of cases, theater majors don't even have the talent of a Disney Channel background extra, despite their belief that they outshine DiCaprio at acting, and Shakespeare at writing. Interestingly enough, these are the kids who believe they write "deep" poetry, have ten-mile-long "quotes" sections on any given social network, are very "artsy," constantly update Facebook with self-centered overly-emotional statuses, and in general are strongly disliked by majors that will have careers after graduation.

He's crying not because of teenage angst, but because he's been out of college three years with his Theater degree, and still works at Dave's Tattoo Emporium... as the janitor.

Seriously, and this bashing is coming from a f*cking Political Science major over here. Get your heads out of your idealistic asses, you wimps; you don't have Leo's talent or the Bard's brains. You are NOT deep, you are not NEARLY as unique as you think you are, and the world does NOT care about how much you "love your craft." When it comes time for getting a job, the man across the desk from you will not care that you were in the Wyoming State production of Hamlet as the third hag, he will care that you acquired useful skills in college, and that you can function in the modern workplace. Unfortunately, because you spent your college years pretending to be "deep," dressing different because you're "unique," and trying to be socially aloof because somehow you believe you're European at heart, you won't be able to function at all. You will not be familiar with suits (other than in that one production you did of Driving Miss Daisy), because you wore nothing but torn-up nuthugger jeans and too much black, because suits were "conformist." You will have holes from various piercings you did to "stand out" and be "unique." You will have tattoos you designed yourself to be "artsy" and "different."

Very unique, artsy, and non-conformist! Also, very unemployed.

Seriously, no one cares about your "self image." We live in a capitalist society, and if you want to succeed, you have to fit the mold. Bitch and whine if you want, but that's how it works. Suck it up, douchebags; after college, you'll be in the real world, and no one will care about your poetry or how different you are.

Well, no one that's going to offer you a job with a decent salary at least. Have fun serving fat people bad food at McD's.

On that wonderfully positive note, I'm going to end this post, and go back to studying linguistics, in order to satisfy my GE's, for a major I can use. Sleep easy, folks.

Best,
E.Y.H.

Post #7: Party Fouls 2

Whew, okay, I'm back. Rough couple of nights there, and now a rough day to match. Economics homework can suck it.

Meanwhile though, you were waiting for me to continue on party fouls, yes? No? Whatever, here goes. The following list is gospel, and is written by CollegeHumor.Com:

Party Foul #1: Screaming "Party Foul" when someone drops a drink.

Party Foul #2: Not being able to reach a bathroom before you puke.

Party Foul #3: Trying to start a fight.

Party Foul #4: Someone takes "It" out.

Party Foul #5: Screwing Around with the Music

Party Foul #6: Having Sex in a Roommate's Bed

Party Foul #7: Breaking Stuff

Party Foul #8: Not Chipping In

Party Foul #9: Urinating Indoors

Party Foul #10: The Cockblock

This list is indisputably good, and true, and 100% accurate. However, I'd like to add a few extras, if I may.

Party Foul #11: The Buzzkill

This is the one dude that has to ruin every buzz. You just sunk 9 out of 10 cups in BP and have one shot left, and everyone's cheering you on? He'll just talk about how he did 10 out of 10 with 10 shots. You've taken 7 shots in a row? He's done 20, in TJ, in a brothel, with Harrison Ford.

Mr. Ford proclaims his innocence. Would that face lie?

Alternatively, if everyone's having a great night, this is the guy who tells everyone in earshot "Yeah, this party's great, but what if the cops come?" Truly, an epic party foul right here.

Party Foul #12: The Inconsiderate Ex

Yes, we understand the relationship's over. Yes, we understand that you can't always avoid ending up at the same party. But c'mon folks, getting super touchy-feely with a new guy or girl in front of your ex isn't helping anything; you're making sentiments worse, and you're buzzkilling someone else.

No pics can possibly relate to this Party Foul, so here's one of a sad bunny.

On that note then, this is a technical double party foul, but due to the possibility of it being a subdivision of buzzkill, it only counts as one. Nevertheless, still a very un-chill act.

Party Foul #13: Ruining Someone's Car

I don't care if it's puke, piss, or other bodily fluids. You put it on someone else's car, you're going to ruin it for everyone around, especially if you're caught in the act. Just don't touch cars.

"You would piss on US?"

Don't touch cars man, that's a major, major foul!

At that though, I really do have to finish this econ work, so I'll complete this list some other day. Stay frosty people, and I hope you all had great Halloweens!

Best,
E.Y.H.